He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
