hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
