We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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