office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
