I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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