i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
