I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
