I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
