Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My first STD was from a foam party
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
