Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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