I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Randomize