If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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