i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
