Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
