Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
