i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
