woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I want her autograph on my taint
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's blow job season.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
