You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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