last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
