im drinking this country out of the recession.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
