Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
