yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You dont lie about slip and slides
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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