um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This house was built for laser tag.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
