I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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