A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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