I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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