He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
