I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
please come you make the beer taste better
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
