turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't deserve a penis
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
