you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
