lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
