Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
