Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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