i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
