hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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