even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
