If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
