you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize