I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
