Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
