Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
