Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
