So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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