Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
