I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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