Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I pour the whiskey from now on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
