yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
