This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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