hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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