I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
