thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
