Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
