Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
