they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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