what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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