I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
