he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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