I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
