Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
this hospital has no fireball
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
