Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
