I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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