my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
