It's Friday. Sex?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
