Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Randomize
