Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i drank out of a bidet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
