she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
