the condom got lost in my hair
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
