i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
