Have you finally orgasmed yet?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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