dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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